Tag Children

Dealing with tantrum is a concern for most parents/caregivers. In our first in this blog series we met our guest, Moyin Adefisayo who is currently a graduate student of the Masters of Art in counselling psychology program at Yorkville University. She works with the Vancouver School Board as a Student Support Staff (Urgent Intervention Process Team). Moyin provides behavioural plans to educators (K-12) and works with the child in developing coping strategies to managing their emotions and/or behaviours.

We learned that everyone has behaviour and behaviours are signals. They communicate and also have a function and as such, it is very important to know and understand what these are to support your child or teen.

In this second part of three we look at tantrums; how they may differ and how to handle them.

What is a Tantrum?

Like we mentioned in the last blog everyone has behaviour. Tantrum is a way children and youth express frustration, stress, or anger. Keep in mind that they do not make a conscious plan to embarrass you. Rather, a tantrum could happen as a result of learned behaviour or as a result of stress. Tantrum is a functional behaviour and if you understand what the function of that tantrum is then you will know how to respond. Some tantrums could be manipulative or stressed related.

Manipulative Tantrum

Manipulative tantrum is when your child uses the learned behaviour (tantrum) to get something from you (ha-ha). Children are really smart and at a young age they already know how to get something or gain control over you. When your child knows what to expect and what is expected from them the tendency to use manipulative tantrum will be reduced. This is where being consistent is key.

Stress Tantrum

Stress tantrum could be as a result of your child feeling stressed or a build up of stress that results in the unwanted behaviour. It could also be as a result to emotional response which could include anger, frustration, sadness, and so on. Remember, behaviours are signals! The parent or caregiver needs to discern if the tantrum is stressed related. Then, they must be in tuned with his or her child to know what that behaviour is communicating.

Emem Iniobong, CCC is a Canadian Certified Counsellor in Brandon, Manitoba. She specializes in working with children and adolescents experiencing various mental, behavioural, and emotional challenges. I am passionate about helping children and teens find their unique strengths, develop skills to overcome challenges, and bravely navigate the world around them.

My child, their behaviour sounds common in many homes today. As a mental health counsellor, one common question I get from parents and caregivers is how do I deal with my child’s behaviours or tantrums? How do I respond to my child’s behaviour? Why is time out not working for my child? Why does my child meltdown a lot? What do I do to handle my child’s outbursts, as I am exhausted?

In this 3 week blog series we have a guest speaker who will joining us as we look into and discuss the topic of my child, their behaviour.

Meet Our Guest

Moyin Adefisayo is currently a graduate student of the Masters of Art in counselling psychology program at Yorkville University. She works with the Vancouver School Board as a Student Support Staff (Urgent Intervention Process Team). Moyin provides behavioural plans to educators (K-12) and works with the child in developing coping strategies to managing their emotions and/or behaviours. Referral into the urgent intervention process team is through the Vancouver School Board and the length of interventions for each child range from 1-4 weeks.

What is Behaviour?

Behaviour is simply the way people handle or conduct themselves. These ways or conduct could involve their functioning, reactions, and actions in response to their daily functioning or everyday living. It is safe to say everyone has a behaviour and this behaviour, especially in children, serves a purpose! It can be either functional or communicative.

Behaviour as a Function in My Child, Their Behaviour

It is important to know and understand what purpose the behaviour serves in order to effectively decrease the undesired behaviour and replace it with a desired behaviour. When the function of the behaviour is known that is easy to understand what your child is trying to communicate.

Behaviour as Communicative in My Child, Their Behaviour

Behaviour as communicative in my child is important to know. When parents understand what the purpose of a behaviour is and what it’s trying to communicate they are better equipped to handle the situation.

Tips on How to Handle My Child, Their Behaviour

• Be in tune with your child
• Establish good rapport
• Have Clear Expectation
• Offer Choices
• Follow Through
• Be Consistent

Parents and caregivers need to remember that behaviour is a signal and as such it is important to know and understand what is the need? What is my child trying to communicate and what is the function? I hope you found this blog helpful. Share with others you know may need this info and do not forget to follow us on all our social media.

Emem Iniobong, CCC is a Canadian Certified Counsellor in Brandon, Manitoba. She specializes in working with children and adolescents experiencing various mental, behavioural, and emotional challenges. I am passionate about helping children and teens find their unique strengths, develop skills to overcome challenges, and bravely navigate the world around them.