Dealing with tantrum is a concern for most parents/caregivers. In our first in this blog series we met our guest, Moyin Adefisayo who is currently a graduate student of the Masters of Art in counselling psychology program at Yorkville University. She works with the Vancouver School Board as a Student Support Staff (Urgent Intervention Process Team). Moyin provides behavioural plans to educators (K-12) and works with the child in developing coping strategies to managing their emotions and/or behaviours.
We learned that everyone has behaviour and behaviours are signals. They communicate and also have a function and as such, it is very important to know and understand what these are to support your child or teen.
In this second part of three we look at tantrums; how they may differ and how to handle them.
What is a Tantrum?
Like we mentioned in the last blog everyone has behaviour. Tantrum is a way children and youth express frustration, stress, or anger. Keep in mind that they do not make a conscious plan to embarrass you. Rather, a tantrum could happen as a result of learned behaviour or as a result of stress. Tantrum is a functional behaviour and if you understand what the function of that tantrum is then you will know how to respond. Some tantrums could be manipulative or stressed related.
Manipulative Tantrum
Manipulative tantrum is when your child uses the learned behaviour (tantrum) to get something from you (ha-ha). Children are really smart and at a young age they already know how to get something or gain control over you. When your child knows what to expect and what is expected from them the tendency to use manipulative tantrum will be reduced. This is where being consistent is key.
Stress Tantrum
Stress tantrum could be as a result of your child feeling stressed or a build up of stress that results in the unwanted behaviour. It could also be as a result to emotional response which could include anger, frustration, sadness, and so on. Remember, behaviours are signals! The parent or caregiver needs to discern if the tantrum is stressed related. Then, they must be in tuned with his or her child to know what that behaviour is communicating.
Emem Iniobong, CCC is a Canadian Certified Counsellor in Brandon, Manitoba. She specializes in working with children and adolescents experiencing various mental, behavioural, and emotional challenges. I am passionate about helping children and teens find their unique strengths, develop skills to overcome challenges, and bravely navigate the world around them.