Connecting with your teen as a parent is very vital in your relationship with your teen. However, as simple as it sounds or appears parents find it is difficult to connect with their teens. One of the questions I got asked by parents is how do I connect with my teen.

The teenage years are an intriguing one that is full of changes for both the teen and the parent. The changes in teens include physical, emotional, changes in their brain that influences their emotions, judgments, and decision-making, and at the same time becoming independent and developing their identity. With all the changes happening with the teen, they sometimes can come across as rude, emotional, angry, snobbish, and so on. They will sometimes push your bush as a parent and might appear to have higher regards for their friends than you and your family. They may also not want to talk with you or listen to you which can be frustrating and challenging as a parent.

Take a deep breath!

In this blog, I will be providing some tips on how to connect with your teen.

1). Do not use words like “let’s talk” when Connecting Your Teen.

When connecting with your teen, parents avoid questions like let’s talk because it sends the wrong alert to their brain, “what have I do or what did I not do” which makes them defensive and on edge. Instead, look for moments to strike up conversations in a relaxed manner.

2). Timing is very Important when Connecting with Teen.

When connecting your teen pay attention to if that is the right time and space to connect with your teen. As parent, you know your teen better than anyone and as such, knowing when to best approach your teen is very important and vital when trying to connect with your teen.

3). Do not take it personally.

Like, I mentioned early in this write-up, teen can come up as been rude, angry, and so on, and so like their attitude and some things they say. When trying to connect with your teen do not take things personal, and I know you might say really? Yes, a lot of things might be going on for your teen and sometimes when you get talking then you realize there were not trying to be rude, but just expressing their attitude or behaviour in a wrong way.

4). Listen when Connecting with Your Teen.

Listen, Listen, Listen. As much as it sounds easy especially when you are not interested but in other to connect with your teen, parent you need to genuinely listen and be interested in what your teen is saying because this stage of their life a lot of things are happening that they don’t have answer for and as such it is important to listen and follow your teen lead in other to connect with your teen.

5). Just Connect.

When connecting with your teen do things that your teen care about, interested, and loves doing. These activities could include but not limited to playing video games, going for walks, doing chores together, go for a trip, or watching their show with them, going on dates. Look for ways to connect with your teens.

Hopefully, these tips will provide a launching pad for you in connecting with your teen, especially in this their critical stage of life. Let me know what work, did not work, and some other things you are doing that is not on this list.

Emem Iniobong, CCC-Q is a Canadian Certified Counsellor in Brandon, Manitoba. She specializes in working with children and adolescents through various mental, emotional, and behavioral challenges.  Passionate about helping children and teens find their unique strengths, she develop skills so they can overcome whatever challenges they face and bravely navigate the world around them. Bliss Counselling and Wellness Centre helps you find your bliss.

Teen Suicide can be preventable if the risk factors, warning signs, and steps to protect your teen are known. Is your teen at risk for suicide? Are you worried and overwhelmed about your teen or anyone else? Then have that sincere conversation with your teen or reach out to professional in your community. Brandon here has a lot of resources that you can reach out to.

What Makes a Teen Vulnerable for Suicide?

Hmm, with all the changes happening in your teen at this stage of their lives, there are a lot of things that can make a teen vulnerable for suicide. Mental health conditions such as poor coping with the daily stressors of being a teen, relationship issues, rejection, family issues, failure, and breakup are something that can make teen vulnerable as they do not see the bigger picture and just thinking of a permanent response.

What Makes a Teen at Risk for Suicide?

As mentioned above, a teen can be at risk for suicide because of the circumstance in their life. Things that could increase the risk of suicide for teen includes;

• Teen who have mental health disorder such as depression and alcohol and drug use may be at risk for suicide.
• Teens that are feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness that is associated with depression may be at risk for suicide.
• Teen that are been bullied may be at risk for suicide.
• Teen that has the history of sexual abuse, physical abuse, and emotional abuse may be at risk for suicide.
• Teen has attempted suicide in the past.
• Teen who struggles with gender identity and/or sexuality orientation with no supportive family or community may be at risk for suicide.
• Teens with family history of depression and suicide may be at risk for suicide.
• Teen who lack support networks, poor relationships with parents or peers, and feelings of social isolation may be at risk for suicide.

What are Warning Signs that Your Teen is Suicidal?

Some warning signs that your teen is suicidal may include;

• Teen is talking about suicide or writing suicidal note of not wanting to be around anymore.
• Teen is talking about feeling hopelessness and trapped in a situation.
• Teen is withdrawing from family or friends.
• Teen has loss their desire to favorites things they had loved doing before
• Teen has increased their alcohol or drug used.
• Teen giving their possession or belongings away.
• Changes in teen’s sleeping and eating habit
• Changes in teen’s mood
• Teen engages in self-destructive behaviour

What Can I do As a Parent or Caregiver?

• Watch and Listen to what your teen is saying. Do not assume you know what your teen is saying. Listen, be patient, and observe what your teen is saying and not saying.
• Ask your teen questions. Use open-ended question instead of using closed-ended question that results in a ‘yes or no’
• Ask for Help. Reach out to family, religious leader, friends, your family doctor, or a mental health professional for help. Please, reach out.

Emem Iniobong, CCC-Q is a Canadian Certified Counsellor in Brandon, Manitoba. She specializes in working with children and adolescents through various mental, emotional, and behavioral challenges.  Passionate about helping children and teens find their unique strengths, she develop skills so they can overcome whatever challenges they face and bravely navigate the world around them. Emem owns Bliss Counselling and Wellness Centre whose mission is to help you find your bliss and live confidently.

Self-harm and teen will be our focus for this blog as we continue in our series of how I know my teen needs counselling or what are some signs that I need to access counselling for teen. When you have a teen that self-harm it can be overwhelming and sometimes even scary, so here are so things to know about self-harm and teen;

What is Self-Harm?

As explained in one of blog, when your teen tries to hurt themselves on purpose with no intention of committing suicide or when your teen involves in risky behaviours that hurt them without any feeling the pain.

What is the Cause of Self-Harm in Teens?

Self-harm can be a way your teen is coping with stress, managing difficult emotions, express internal feeling through cutting, as a form of distractions from painful emotions, punished for perceived faults, a way of communicating their pain to others, or as a way to feel something especially if they feel empty or norm.

What are the Signs that your Teen is Self-Harming?

Some signs that your teen may be self-harming may include surface cutting or scratches, hitting or banging their heads or something punching themselves, burnt (cigarettes), abusing their medication but not to the point of suicide, or picking their skins with sharp objects and so on.

Who is at Risk for Self-Harm?

The research shows that self-harming are common between teenagers and young adult. The research also indicates that self-harm is common in girls and young women than males. Some reason why a teen may be at risk to self-harming includes; mental health issues (ex. Anxiety, depression, borderline personality disorder, eating disorders, and so on.), traumatic events (such as sexual abuse), alcohol or drug use, peers that self-harm, and so on.

What can I do as a Parent to help my Teen and Self-Harm?

• Be clam and talk with your teen about self-harm. Really? I just remain calm and how is that possible? I know it can be overwhelming and scaring when you know your teen is self-harming. However, remaining calm and engaging in an open-ended question without judgment about how they are feeling and the behaviours they have noticed that leads to their actions. Let you teen know you care about them, acknowledge their feelings and let them know they are listened too and it can build trust.

• Get Professional Help with self-harm and your teen. Get professional help for your teen that is self-harming is importance because you as a parent can learn to understand why your teen is self-harming, how to support your teen, and your teen will learn how to cope using healthy way and heal.

• Provide Emotional Support for your teen. Providing emotional support to your teen during this process is very vital. Be involved as parent in the process; spend time with your teen, be patient with your teen and understand that treatment takes time, help your teen come up with a plan of things that triggers, places, things, and people they can call when they feel overwhelmed.

Emem Iniobong is a Brandon MB, Canadian Certified Counsellor that helps children, teens, young adults, parents, and families in dealing with anxiety, depression, grief, parenting support to live a more fulfilled and bliss-ful life.